Jobby Job Job Job :)

I start work today!! How exciting!! Cleaning some offices, not so glamourous, but still, the extra income is going the be very very useful! We can pay all of our bills and afford to eat lol this may sound quite pathetic but in all seriousness, its a dilemma we face most months as a "low income" family. We're on the borderline of plain poor and rich apparently, so we don't get as much as those who earn a smidge less than us but we're not rich enough to go without.
Someone said to me the other day "You should be proud to be British." I completely disagree. I'm not proud to be British. I have no reason to be. I live in Portsmouth, famously one of the roughest places in the UK. I live in a street where I frequently have to collect beer cans from my front windowsill and put them in the bin, I have to step around the piles of half eaten chips and kebabs, my house has been nearly broken into twice, everyday I'm reminded of how little manners and respect the people around me have. I find it difficult to be proud of this. Being somewhere the other day and a guy crossed just next to a zebra crossing and a guy said "Its obviously because he is black!" Right... Makes perfect sense, couldn't have been because there was nothing coming so he just thought he'd cross... must be because of his skin colour.
I find this all too difficult to swallow I'm afraid. I won't be proud of being British until I can find something to be proud about.
I'm too busy being proud of my beautiful daughter, who despite living amongst all of this, is a ray of light. I won't let this society around us ruin that.
Anyway, I have a job!! YAY!!

Illness and Job Interview

I have a Job Interview today. Doing cleaning in Hilsea so fingers crossed for me!! I really really need a job!! John and I are going to Ireland in April and the extra income from my wages would be fantastic as we're going to have to eat out for 4 days solid, which is something we've never done before. Even when we go to the caravan in September we take our own food and make our own meals. I'm really really looking forward to this Ireland trip. Can't wait to just get there and have a good time, I'll miss Vivi but at the same time it'll be awesome to spend some time with John. Its not an opportunity we're going to get very often for the foreseeable future.
I'm really really really ill at the moment, I have a full on evil coldy fluey virus thing. Not good. However, I don't get a day off as such as I am a mother!! As every stay at home Mum can testify - you never ever get a day off!!
Anyway, wish me luck with my job interview!!

Happy Valentines!!

I know a lot of people don't celebrate Valentines day, but I do. 
I don't celebrate by sending an over priced gift or bunch of flowers, I just celebrate by spending some lovely time with my fiancée.
I love him so so much. He has stuck by me through everything, bad and good.
I was reading the traditional wedding vows today, as were getting married in less than 4 months now - eek!! 
They are all so relevant to us as a couple. Although at the end where it says "from this day forward" is irrelevant, we've been there for each other the whole time we've been together, from day one.
When we get married, it'll just cement everything that we've been through and will go through for the rest of our lives.
In all seriousness, I moan at him, I nag him but he is the perfect person for me. I love him with all my heart and soul and I can't wait to be his wife!!

Sewing and Crafting

I'm going to start up a separate blog to this one about crafts, with some how-to's and the like. I didn't reslise how easy it is to make more stuff from scratch.
Its fantastic!! So yeh, look out for my separate blog!

Crafty Devil

I've been given a sewing machine! I'm totally excited as I've wanted one for ages!! I have a couple a friends who aren't completely sewing machine illiterate like I am, to take a look at it and make sure its in a good working order!
I'm going to try and make Vivi a pillow case dress, which is what it sounds like really! A smock type dress made out of a pillow case!! It seems quite easy so yes, I have to start somewhere!!
Also, because I'm not the skinniest of people, I can hopefully teach myself to make some cool rockabilly clothes for myself! Happy Days!!

Positivity Weekly ;)

So, yet again, I forgot to post yesterday - I suck!! Here are my positives from the last week :)
1 - Vivi is doing really well at nursery, whenever she comes home I'm always told about how good she's been and how clever she is, which always makes me feel proud.
2 - We got a new sofa from a beautiful friend of ours, it a black leather one so John is in sofa heaven!
3 - I got a new sewing machine, well its a second hand one, but my mind is going into overdrive about all the stuff that I can make once I get the hang of it all!
4 - John got my old record player out of the loft, I am so chuffed about this as I have a mountain of records that have been sitting unplayed for the best part of 2 years
5 - My Dad came over yesterday and helped us clear the garden in time for the spring, I really want to start growing my own fruit and veg!!
6 - I've lost 3lb this week, taking my total weight loss up to 28lb :) I'm really really pleased with my progress :)

Today is not a good day!!

Starting to feel a bit down with everything. I dunno, its difficult to talk about. I feel completely shut out from everything at the moment. Just a bit like the tag along in every situation, like I don't really belong anywhere.
I feel like everyone is getting on with their lives and I'm just hanging behind, waiting to be picked up.
Its so difficult to be pro active when I feel so low. My mood changes quite often. I get sad, then happy, then sad and awful lot. I have loads to look forward too, but its difficult when right now I feel like I'm running in place, getting no-where.
I feel like I put an awful lot of effort into being there for some people and its just a one sided thing. I get nothing in return. Equally there are a lot of my friends who are superb and are always there, just with others I feel a little disheartened with, like I'm making an effort and getting nothing in return.
Sorry to write such a depressing blog! I'm just finding it all a bit difficult.
I'm getting swamped with Vivi aswell. She is very very advanced for her age. She speaks fluently most of the time and is super bossy. It gets a bit much when it feels like she is dictating to me what I can and cannot do.
I would love to have a tiny part of my life back. I get two afternoons a week where Vivi is in nursery and John will have her if I get invited out for an evening. I just feel like so many mothers have the ability to palm their children off onto other people so much. I dunno, I guess my opinion is that you made your bed you lie in it. Its shitty when parents palm their kids off onto other people so they can go out and get pissed regularly.
Well, yeh.Semi Angry blog over!!